Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
