my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
