I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
