I just pynch a tree in the face
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
