had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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