So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
