so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
