1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
