i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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