I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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