i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
