sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize