Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize