you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
