Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
