I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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