he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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