so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
