the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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