I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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