He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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