Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
