I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
