sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
its liver damage thursday
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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