Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
