Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
