tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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