She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
