Well douche your snatch and let's go!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
