Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
