the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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