He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
