Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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