ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
