You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize