Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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