"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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