Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
