i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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