ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
