They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My pussy is not your playground.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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