all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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