You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He has the fingertips of a God
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