you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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