looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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