you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
