so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
