Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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