Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
