I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
