Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
