If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize