I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
