He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
