Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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