a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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