OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize