Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
