she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
