3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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