just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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