hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
FUCK WHALES
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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