I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
