My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got inside last night via doggy door
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
