Cold hands, warm shart.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
