i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
